Learning to Come unto Christ. Presentation #7
LEARNING TO COME UNTO CHRIST
Lecture #7 Merrill Bailey - Salt Lake City, Utah - 1991 (Transcribed & edited from cassettes)
The Principles Never Change
It seems some tapes of my lectures are being passed around, and I am getting real famous or real infamous! In one of the classes at Olympus someone said, "He's teaching new stuff”. There is no new stuff. It is very simple. The principles I teach are not new--I am just presenting them in a different way. I just keep coming in through different doors.
Excellent Book—Understanding- From Here to Serenity
I always introduce the book "Understanding” this way: If you were to take from me every book that I own with the exception of the scriptures, this would be the last one I would let go. You may be disappointed when you read it from your head, because you can read it in a short period of time. But read it, and you will read it the rest of your life. I have to go back at least every couple of months and re-read it, because it throws me into my heart. It is really a great book. I would suggest, however, after you read it once with your head and have gone all through it, that you never read more than one or two chapters in a single day. You do have to be prepared for this book. I have recommended it so many times and had people come back and say, "Oh, it was okay. “ Then I assume they may not be ready, because when a person is ready…...well, my book has just fallen apart! There are several other books similar to "Understanding" that also make excellent reading.
Becoming Aware of What Has Always Been
We read the scripture about the hearts of the fathers being turned to children, and the children to the fathers as only a "last day" scripture. However, God is the same today, yesterday, and forever….nothing really changes. All that happens in the last days is that every thing from all other dispensations is restored, and so we are becoming aware of what has always been.
D&C 136:36…. "For they killed the prophets, and them that were sent unto them and they have shed innocent blood which crieth from the ground against them."
We Are “Killing” the Prophets -- They are Being Stopped
I have prayed about this scripture, and what I wanted to know was, "Why does the blood of the prophets cry against them?" For years I passed over that thought, "We do not need to worry about it because the prophets are not being killed." The truth is we are killing the prophets. They are wasting and wearing out their lives trying to bring to light all the hidden things of darkness and in trying to bring this message of glad tidings and great joy, but they are being stopped--even beyond the veil. And because of it, their children are suffering here.
The Blood of the Prophets Cries Out
When the scriptures say that the blood of the prophets is crying, it does not mean crying for their blood. It is not saying, "Kill them! Kill them! We want to be revenged!” Their blood cries for their souls….. it is crying so that they will not perpetuate failure in the family unit to come unto Christ, so that those spirits coming down will not be encrusted (covered) with it. And so their cry is, "Let us do what has to be done so that we can purify the line; because the hearts of the fathers have always been turned to us."
Those Beyond the Veil Are Very Mindful of Us
The feeling I got was that our fathers are struggling and working with us as hard or harder than they ever have before. They are not off some place in the spirit world doing all this busywork--being too busy to think about us here. They think about us more than we think about them, generally speaking. God's work and glory is to bring to pass our immortality and eternal life. He does this for us in families.
Open your heart any time you go to a family blessing. I had my brother call me Saturday and ask me to give him a blessing. During that blessing the room was full of priesthood from the other side of the veil. And I thought to myself, "There is nothing that is unimportant over there…... they direct everything.”
Righteousness Draws Us Closer to Those Beyond the Veil
The more righteousness we receive, the closer we get to the Spirit or our Heavenly Father, and the more our thoughts and feelings turn to our fathers. The scripture that says we have communion with the Church of the Firstborn beyond the veil is absolute truth--that is exactly what happens. We have
communion with the Church of the Firstborn which is running the Church over here….totally. That is where all the directives come from, so their communion with us is on a constant basis. They pray for us constantly and because of their tremendous faith, a lot of things came to pass that shake up the status quo so that doors can be opened and hearts broken in such a way that truth can be let in.
(Opinion): I am going to share something with you that I really have no right to share: I think almost everybody is in the Church on the other side or the veil. That is why it is so important that we do the work, because the work ties it up with all the world. They are performing ordinances over there that we still have got to go through.
An Eternal Seal Upon Faithful Parents Secures Their Posterity
The Prophet Joseph Smith declared the following, and he never taught more comforting doctrine:
Joseph Smith.... "that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and divine promises made to them for valiant service in the cause of truth would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the shepherd is upon them and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of divine providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life, or in the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice. They will suffer for their sins and may tread a thorny path, but if it leads them at last, like the penitent prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father's heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children. Hold onto them with your faith. Hope on, trust on until you see the salvation of God. Who are these strange sheep, these wayward sons and daughters? They are the children of the covenant, heirs to the promise, and have received (if baptized) the gift of the Holy Ghost, which makes manifest the things of God. Could all of that go for naught?" Orson F. Whitney--Conference report of the Church, April 1929
Joseph Smith's Documentary History of the Church
The following is from the Prophet Joseph Smith's Documentary History of the Church:
"When a seal is put upon the father and mother (by the Holy Spirit of Promise) it secures their posterity, so that they cannot be lost·; but will be saved by virtue of the covenant of their father and mother."
That is what makes it safe for us to give our children their agency and let them be and do what they want to do.
Look up the word "infinite" in Webster’s Dictionary. You have to feel it as you read it to receive the full meaning…... it is totally boundless. The Atonement was wrought before the foundations of the world to save the world and make it perfect. That is why we can go forth proclaiming that we can get out of judgment. We cannot do it, however, if there is anything imperfect.
This is the hardest doctrine there is to accept, but, brothers and sisters, I cannot back away from this. If we cannot accept it, we can never have that change of heart.
All Creation is Perfect, Not Flawless
Unless we see creation as being perfect, we will never see ourselves as being perfect "We will never be able to forgive ourselves and come unto the Savior and partake of the Atonement, because we are a part of all creation. God does not make mistakes. He did not make all things flawless, but He did make them perfect. Too often we interpret flaws as being imperfection. He made us absolutely, totally perfect and then He gave an Atonement so that He bought our souls--along with all the rest of creation.
Guess Whom We Are Condemning When We Pick out Flaws?
We tend to look out there and think of others as being imperfect, but we are all going to come unto the Savior and He is going to make us perfect. Everything out there is inside us somewhere….. all external things are mirrors to us, so when we are picking out flaws in someone or something else, guess whom we are condemning! We have grown up with that lie--that we do not have to have mercy to get mercy. We say those people over there are going to hell, but that is all right, because we are going to be saved, and I don’t care about anyone by me." But those who give mercy receive mercy, and until we give total mercy (which means we have to forgive everyone and everything), we cannot forgive anything inside ourselves.
Awareness of the Atonement is the Important Thing
There is a price to be paid. It does not profit us to receive a gift unless we appreciate the gift of the giver. We may not become aware of this gift, but it is the awareness that is the salvation, not the act itself. The act has been done. Creation is perfected. However, if we do not know it, then it might as well not be done. We are still back to thinking: "You have to earn your own way. We do have to earn our way into that awareness--that is the price. It has to have been done because we cannot have faith in something that is not true. And if it has not been done, then it is not true. If we are not saved, then we cannot have faith in being saved. It would be a lie.
Faith is a hope for things that are unseen, but true. How can we have faith in our ultimate salvation and in our eternal life unless it is already a fact--because then it is not faith, it is knowledge. To have faith, there must be a belief in something unseen, but true.
Our greatest at-one-ment is in our relationships with others. Our relationships with others are very important as mirrors. The primary reason for relationships is the mirror they provide.
Our Most Important Relationship
Because God placed all things independently in this sphere, we are totally independent. The real relationship we are here to form is the one with ourselves, and the only way we can do that is through God, because He is the only perfect mirror., Accordingly, the only way we can ever really perfect
that relationship with ourselves is through God. But because we are also imperfect and mortal, we can use others to help mirror back to us our imperfections.
Our Ultimate Need is to Give Love
Do we need love from them? Do we need all this stuff from them? No! What we need to do is give love to them and see how we are doing mirror—wise. Let me give you some celestial, eternal truths--some universal principles to hang onto. I have given them before, so you probably already have them written down:
Our relationships with all other things--whether with others, with God, or with the universe--can be no better, no closer, no more intimate, no more open and sharing, than the one we have with ourselves. We cannot have a wonderful relationship with somebody else and a poor relationship with ourselves--it is absolutely impossible. We cannot give something we do not possess. We cannot give love that we do not have. Accordingly, we cannot receive love from someone else, because everything is independent in the sphere where it has been placed. In this big struggle with outside relationships, we lie to ourselves.
If our relationship with self is a poor one (in here), obviously our relationship with our spouse is going to be the same (in here). What do I mean "in here"? I mean in here--in our hearts intimately sharing, open, utterly sincere, pure. A pure relationship is one where both people are totally open and totally, utterly sincere at all times. That does not exist? Let us talk about it.
Our Body Adds a Degree of Intelligence
You say, "How can you have a relationship with yourself?" I prayed fervently about this and received one of the greatest awakenings of my life. I have a body and with it I gained an added degree of intelligence that comes with matter in a way I do not understand. But that is why we shouted for joy and that is why the devils were not allowed to have bodies--they destroy them. Devils are always going apart--they are always imploding (collapsing violently inward). They are black holes that are always going in on themselves, destroying themselves, crushing themselves.
Thou Shalt Love Thy Neighbor--May Not Include Devils
If you ever wonder if Satan can be married, do not even think about it. There is no way. Satan would kill his own mother for the pennies out of her eye lids. We do not understand those kinds of beings. There is no place in the scriptures that tells us to love devils. It is impossible, they are loveless. Am I saying there will never be any hope for them? I do not know; I leave that realm totally alone. I know that I everyone in this world (even those that think they are hopelessly lost), is salvageable and will be salvaged. But devils…...I do not know.
Relationships Should Keep Just Enough Distance
What we are here to do is strive to intensify the degree of intelligence and make that relationship deeper, more intimate, congruent. Even though it says At-one-ment, it never, it never quite joins. If this ever occurred, it would be like two magnets being joined—once they are put together, they lose all their power. The most power is generated when they are the closest possible, without touching. Most people would say that marriage becomes perfect when the couples finally touch. No, when they finally touch, the power is gone out of a marriage. The secret of relationships is to keep just enough distance--that is why we need God in this triangle.
It is an illusion—for one thing, magnetic forces never can touch. You can turn them upside down, and positives will actually attract to where they touch, but then they lose their power. They become one, but their power is gone.
Opposition Drives All Things Forward
You see, there needs to be opposition in all things. It is the opposition that drives all living things forward. That is why all living things are always expanding. This is an expanding universe.
Everything in the universe is expanding--our families are expanding, our souls are expanding. But there is always a paradox. The closer we get to ourselves the more we will expand. We are part of the expansion of our coming together and our closeness within our own souls.
We Came Together to Give—Not Get
Remember why we came together--we get lost in that illusion if we think we came together to get something. We go together to give something. Remember what we talked about last time—our great need to love. That is what we as Gods need. When our love is not accepted or appreciated, is repulsed and pushed, we hurt and have pain, but not because .we are not receiving something. What we give merely mirrors back to us how our love is being received.
Like Attracts Like in Relationships
What we become attracted to in a relationship depends on how healthy it is. The healthier we are, the more we will be attracted to someone like ourselves, because we have come to accept more parts of ourselves. The more unhealthy we are--the more fragmented we are--the more we will be attracted to someone opposite. Whomever we are attracted to will always be opposite enough to keep it interesting….. always. The only time total opposites attract is with very, very young or very, very fragmented people. Then opposites attract.
Otherwise, the more we like ourselves, the more we are attracted to others like us. As we love ourselves more and more, the more we are attracted to those who love themselves. So, the more we learn to appreciate, accept, and embrace all parts of ourselves, the more we will be attracted to someone who is the same way in a lot of the same areas. These individuals create mirrors for us. The great purpose of the relationships is to mirror how we are doing in the relationship with ourselves.
The More We Love Ourselves, the More We Have to Give
So, here you are in a relationship with yourself. You get married....you are probably attracted to someone who is just about as close to himself or herself as you are to yourself—somewhere down in "here”. As you continue to grow, you begin to cultivate and appreciate and love intimacy--emotional intimacy--more and more. Because as you begin to love yourself, there is more of yourself that you want to share. As you begin to appreciate and love yourself more and more, you have more to give, so you want to share more love. You have a desire to become sincere, to become more sharing.
What Happens When One Mate Grows Faster Spiritually
Let us assume that your mate (for whatever reason) chooses not to grow or is not growing. As your relationship with yourself goes in one direction, his or hers goes in another.
You start interpreting this with your head and not with your heart, and your head (speaking as the wife) says, "Well, what I have got to do is have this special kind of joy with him. If I could just get more intimate with him and give him more love, then he would fall more in love with himself and see how wonderful he is. That is what I’m here to do--help him fall more in love with himself, and we will become one. So, I will change and become more intimate and give more, and he will see that gift and appreciate it. Then he will change and we'll be closer and so we will be of one mind. One of us has got to change--obviously I am the one."
It Is Painful to be Rejected When You Want to Give Love
You have an imbalance. I know you do it out of the goodness of your heart, and to your head this looks really Christ-like and very humanitarian, because you are getting cheated in the relationship. You are giving a lot more than you are getting--emotionally and spiritually. It can be translated into physical (and usually is), but what generally happens is that as you go down into your heart with the problem, your spouse cannot move closer to you than he or she is to himself, or herself. You are going against the universal laws of the universe.
Draw Near Unto Me (First), and I Will Draw Near Unto You
God, Himself, lives by this principle. He says, "You draw near unto Me, and I will draw near unto you.” He will move no closer. We control our relationship with God…let me tell you why. Here is another universal principle--one that probably causes more family discord, .more relationship problems, than any other:
The person who wants the deepest emotional relationship is the one who is in charge and in control of the relationship because they have the most love to give. That is a lie.
The person who wants the relationship to go the lightest is always in control and in charge. Let me say it another way: They may verbally and intellectually say, “I want to be close to you, I want to hug you, I want to love you, I want to have sex with you." However, the mouth and the head and everything else is not the heart, it is not the emotional. It is different than the Spirit. These are total opposites.
Even in his or her own mind your spouse may be saying, "I want closer emotional intimacy, but is interpreting it as hugging or holding or sex. The heart has its own language, and it knows when somebody is really trying to play with counterfeit money. Sex is counterfeit money; it is only a· symbol of where the spiritual relationship is at. Your relationship is represented in everything physical. A relationship can go no deeper than the lightest spouse wants it to go, or guess who gets hurt? The partner, who is trying to give, is the one who gets hurt.
Gratitude--All That God Asks
God does not ask us to pay .in kind for what we get. All He asks is that we appreciate what we have received. That is all it takes.
Here is the definition of HUMILITY – or MEEKNESS. I have given this many times: Anytime we hear the word meekness or humility, it always means being totally overwhelmed and appreciative of what the universe is already giving us, to be aware that we need nothing more….. nothing! But pride is always wanting something else and not liking what we have. We will never ever close this gap with ourselves until we appreciate where we already are and the relationship we already have with God and all the physical things He has given us. So humility is always acknowledging how much we are already receiving from the universe.
Unconditional Love Maintains the Relationship
The spouse wanting the lightest relationship controls the level of the relationship, regardless of what his or her mouth is saying. The spouse with the best self-relationship desires and loves the mate so much that when the closeness is not reciprocated, it could be interpreted as giving something for nothing. This is when unconditional love is necessary. The other person does not have to pay in kind for the relationship, but he or she must show that they appreciate what their mate is giving. Ideally, they appreciate the emotional closeness by sharing their emotional closeness.
You cannot trade sex for emotional closeness because they are not the same thing…... that is called "rape". There are a lot of marriages where rape takes place….. where one spouse is there for physical gratification and the other tries to say, "Okay, what you're asking for is sex.” Sex does not pay for it. Nothing pays for spiritual gifts except spiritual gifts.
We Do Physical Things to Show Appreciation to God
We can use something physical--and usually do this--to demonstrate our appreciation. We go to church, pay tithing, do home teaching, pray, etc. We do lots of physical things for our Heavenly Father in every way to try and demonstrate our appreciation for what we receive.
Physical Demonstrations Will Not Do It
I know these things do not pay for it. We could never pay….. what we are getting is absolutely beyond price. We are Judged according to the desires of our. hearts, and when our hearts are utterly sincere and we learn to appreciate with deep humility, what He has given us, we then try every way possible to demonstrate this appreciation.
Because we try with all our hearts to show appreciation to Him, does that mean He will rush in and solve all our problems? No. His unconditional love is demonstrated by allowing us to be right where we are….. and He loves us right where we are. He holds a perfect mirror to us, but He holds it far enough away so that we do not become frightened by it. As we view ourselves through His perfect mirror and see how imperfect we are (because of our distortions and our willingness to cling to the untruths of the world), it could destroy us. We could go out and commit suicide! So He has to hold Himself far enough away so He can say, “See, I am just like you."
Christ Revealed Himself to Moses
What did He do when He showed himself to Moses? Actually, it was the Father standing in front of him. But you see who it was--it was Christ, with a fullness of glory. However, He wanted to show Moses the Christ as a man upon the earth--not the Christ with a fullness of glory. That is why Christ came….. so that He could mirror to us and not frighten us to death. And He still does that in His relationship with us everyday.
Christ Mirrors Perfection to Us Every Day
Christ always holds a perfect mirror to us, not distorted at all and never too close, but always at a distance so that we can handle it. .As we draw nearer unto Him and can handle more and more, He shows us more and more. That is exactly the pattern we have to follow in our relationships, except no matter how hard we try in our relationships, the mirror will always be distorted to some degree.
As our relationship with self grows greater and more powerful, our mirrors become less distorted; they become more perfect. So can you see why the person who wants to be more loving, more intimate, and more open is such a threat to the person who is happy with things on a lower level? They are the same distance as they have always been from each other, but the mirror is becoming clearer.
The Mirror is often Rejected
The other person cannot stand it, so he has to retaliate and then the loving person gets hurt. Here she is giving all this love, and not only is it not appreciated, but he is actually rejecting her and so she gets angry! It is legitimate anger. Here· she is giving all this love (without any reciprocation)--she is the one who is sacrificing, and she is getting the least out of it.
I encounter those problems all the time….. every year I get three or four girl s in my office, crying their eyes out because they have given their boyfriend everything they have physically and spiritually) and now he wants to get out of the relationship. They were giving all this love on credit, and now he wants to date other girls!
Pride and Ego--Products of Satan's Deceit
Pride is always an illusion and always comes from the ego. We were deceived by Satan into creating an ego so that we could hide what he told us was nakedness. He told us there was something wrong with us and we believed him. Then he told us how to take care of that wrongness with ourselves. He said" "Go out and get fig leaves and cover yourselves. Build yourself an ego--with money, or with the honors of men, or the things of the world. Build an ego to hide behind--a facade--something where you will not be utterly sincere." So pride is always built on the creation of ego.
Self-Love Spills Over and Mirrors to Others
When the prophets speak in general conference and tell us the cause of all divorces is selfishness, they always mean ego selfishness….. because they are talking to people who understand ego. We speak ego language, so it sounds a little strange when I turn right around and contradict them by saying the most spiritual thing we· can do is be as selfish as we possible can--SPIRITUALLY, not ego-wise. There is a difference. it is as opposite as night and day. Because the more we love ourselves, and the more we show that love, the more we have to give--so it always turns out best for everybody else.
Suppose someone out there is saying, "I want to have this deep relationship with you," but they are using something like sex or money as a come-on. And you are saying, "I don't want that relationship with you." Then they say, "That's really selfish." look what you are doing--you are holding up a mirror to that person's hypocrisy!
Christ Mirrored the Imperfections of the Pharisees
The Pharisees crucified the Savior because He was such a great mirror to them. But He gave them that mirror because He loved them and realized that something had to break their hearts.
The Closer We Come to Ourselves the More We Can Appreciate God
Let us not make the mistake of saying that the more we get in close touch with ourselves, the more spiritual we become and the closer to God we become….. it is a simultaneous process. The closer we come to ourselves, the more we are able to appreciate God. And so He will move in closer---automatically. We need not worry about our relationship with God if it is happening this way.
God's Love for Us Does Not Depend on What We Are
When people tell me, "I don't know where God is--it's like He's deserted me lately. I've never prayed harder and never fasted more, yet God seems further away than He's ever seemed before," I do not have to wonder what is happening in their relationship with themselves.
We cannot make the mistake of saying: Because God loves all people equally; all of our relationships are of equal importance. They are all of equal value because they are all 100 percent. God is no respecter of persons. He is not limited. With a close self relationship, we soon realize that God's love does not depend on what we are.
The Righteous Have No Monopoly on God’s Love
I have been into some real discussions with important people about how God loves the righteous more, and it is absolutely ridiculous! He loves 100 percent of His capacity at all times. It may look different, because with some He may be here, and with others He may be over there, but it has nothing to do with God; it has to do with us--we control that. It may look like He loves the righteous more because they are receiving more revelations and are closer to Christ, but it has nothing to do with God's love.
He does not rank all relationships the same--anymore than we do. They are all of value, but which relationships are we going to want to be involved in the most? It depends on how close we come to our spiritual selves.
We Need Marriage to Mirror Back Perfection
In my opinion, that is why we cannot get to the highest degree or the Celestial Kingdom without marriage--not because we need the other person to get us there, but because we need that mirror to teach us about ourselves. We will never get ourselves ready unless we have that mirror and learn who we are.
If I have a deep relationship with someone who also has a deep relationship with herself, that gives me more love because she is mirroring back to me more perfection. Then I have more to give to all the other relationships--and each relationship is different.
I am making it very general when I say I may have this kind of relationship in one area, and in some areas I may have, another--depending on who it is with and what we are talking about.
The most extra special thing about the marriage relationship is the mirror. We chose that mirror, but not with our heads, our genes, or our hormones. I am convinced that we chose that relationship because it is where our greatest lessons have to be learned--about ourselves. It was not a mistake. We choose a specific relationship, even though it may be ten times more rocky and have more struggles than the one we almost chose.
We Get What We Want -- Even in Marriage
Think back. Why didn't you marry George? Because George could not teach you the lessons you needed to learn. "So your spirit chose for you the hardest lessons to learn and what you have found is that if you do not learn those lessons here, life will just give them to you somewhere else! So this is a good place.
Now here is a truth: It does not have to be any harder than we want it to be, because we always get what we want. So if we want it to be really hard, then it will be. What if I am married to a woman who (for whatever reason) refuses to have any more than this kind of relationship with me? Now, obviously, I got what I wanted, so I chose her for that reason. I even have other intimate relationships that are like this.
The marriage relationship is like this, and what most people say is, "Well, this is the most important relationship….this is the one you are going to go through eternity with. Obviously, you need dump this partner and go out and marry someone with whom you can have an eternal relationship." And I say that when the other person does not hamper your spiritual growth it only enhances it--no matter where they are. The Savior could live with anybody and would be totally, ecstatically happy, but I am not sure He would chose to do so.
John 18:14……The children of Israel were not given hearts to perceive, eyes to see and ears to hear. When Christ did come to them, their prophet and high priest, Caiaphas, used the Law to indignantly condemn Christ and justify putting Him to death.
Marriage Provides A Close Mirror
A marriage forces--just by daily contact--a fairly close mirror. And if the Savior was in a relationship and was mirroring His perfection, it would be like living with Caiaphas day after day. The Savior could live with Caiaphas without any problem, but can you see that Caiaphas may have a little problem with that? And so maybe because of His great love for Caiaphas, the Savior would consider divorce because He is such a perfect mirror. Because of the marriage, Caiaphas cannot get far enough away, so he cannot love unconditionally because he is hitting the wall and trying to get away. He is into total misery. It is soul destructive and is actually destroying the relationship he has with himself. So the Savior may choose divorce--not to gain His own happiness, but so Caiaphas could go out and find somebody who is as messed up as he is and be more comfortable.
Divorce May Be a Loving Solution
Now, because none or us is the Savior, that is probably not something we have to worry about, although I have seen many cases where this situation becomes the scenario and I believe with all my heart that divorce is the most loving, spiritual thing, that can be done--even if it is a Temple marriage.
I do not believe any General Authority would disagree with that statement--if they said it the way that I just said it and understood it that way. President Hinckley said in conference (after he talked about selfishness) there are cases and times when divorce is the only recourse. Let us look at the way God does it. There is the perfect model.
A Marriage Scenario
What causes most marital discord? Let me use my wife and myself in a fictitious scenario: As a marriage partner, she is trying to do what her head tells her is the most loving thing to do--because she is enjoying a wonderful closeness with herself and has so much love to share, and the person she wants to share it with the most is me--her spouse. Besides that, her head tells her that is what she should do, so she moves in close. I cannot stand the closeness, because what she does when she moves in close is show that she has become more and more centered and her mirror is becoming more clear. Well, all it does is show me the things I am trying to run away from in myself--it is not a pleasant experience. What to her is a beautiful, emotional, close experience--to me is very painful because it shows me how distorted I am. Consequently, it is not a loving thing.
The Marriage "Set-Up"
What happens then is: I do something to let her get the message that I do not want her that close, but I cannot make it look like it is my fault, so I have to. Set her up. We know all the computer buttons to push with each other, so l will set her up by saying, "Okay, you want emotional closeness, let's go to bed. And she says, "No, wait, that isn't what we're saying here. He says, “Oh, you're rejecting me then….. you never will do what I want to!"
Now she is hurt--crushed. She has given all this love--trying to get in closer. Her motives were totally pure) but she is hurt. The love she has been trying to give has been repulsed. So what does she do? Does she just move right back up where she was in the first place? No. She moves clear over here and says: "You dirty so and so." And then I come back and say: "Oh, but look how hard I’m trying! I'm sorry….. let's forget.”
She says, "Sorry, my foot!" (I have done this about ten -thousand times-look how loving I am trying to be!) I say, "Okay," And so I move back in. She is hurt for several days, but slowly moves back in closer and closer. She is happy with it. And then I go back down and it happens all over again. And so after about six times.
Evaluation is Not Judgment
We have got to constantly be evaluating, but not be in judgment. Judgment is placing value on that evaluation…... does that make sense? (Boy, she is such a witch!) This is very important….. VERY IMPORTANT. Remember what was said a minute ago, that if this is done with the head it becomes one or the most devilish doctrines there is. If I sit here trying to evaluate whether or not I am getting cheated or am in a relationship with my head, it becomes devilish because then it becomes a trade transaction.
I have seen couples try and do a barter system. They start keeping little notes, keeping track, and listing grievances. As my brother, Bill, would say, "No, it cannot be done with the head." All this must be constantly evaluated--where the position of the other person is and where we are at---but if it is done with the heart, it is a whole different ball game. The heart is the mind of the spirit, and the spirit will judge perfectly because the spirit is perfect.
Unconditional Love Comes From the Spirit
Now do not confuse unconditional love and support with the need to do something outwardly….. this is where we make our mistakes. If I am loving you unconditionally, then I have got to do something to show you. It does not mean I aw obligated to give money, spend time with you, or do anything in particular--but, of course, it can result in an outward action. However, to be beneficial to all parties, that action is inspired and totally voluntary--not done out of a sense obligation or duty.
Living the Three Basic Principles: A Lifetime Goal
If you were to come and take another six weeks class you would hear me saying these same things over again in a different way, because I will spend the rest of my life trying to get myself and everybody else to be better at living the Three Basic Principles. Hopefully, I will get better at it, but I will never complete it. If we could do this, we would be ecstatically happy, but we are struggling.
Once these concepts connect, you will go through the scriptures and you will see that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the word fullness. The Gospel is fullness, it is complete, it is whole, it is perfect. The unawareness of it is ours. There is nothing wrong with the Church that it is not yet saved as Zion--it is the unawareness of it. The preparatory Gospel and the Law prepare us to accept the fullness, but Christ is the fullness. He says, "I am the Law.”
We taste the bitter—this is a way to solve any situation, but we need not call them problems. Any situation we have in our lives will always be a self-esteem situation. We will see an inner judgment anytime we get a situation if we go back to these three principles. God grants unto men according to the desires of their hearts.
Our Weaknesses Make Us Humble
We make mistakes--God gave us weaknesses so that we could be humble and experience a hunger for wholeness. So when we show our appreciation for light and happiness and joy by hungering and thirsting after it, we can be filled with these gifts, but it is an ongoing process.
We have to keep coming back to these three principles in prayer with our Heavenly Father and try to become whole, so that we appreciate it when we experience that wholeness.
Happiness is Worth Fighting For
We appreciate our happiness because it is something we have to fight for. We are not responsible for our forgiveness--Christ gave us that: but we are responsible to forgive ourselves and to become aware and then to choose happiness. When we make that choice, we appreciate it….we show our appreciation for happiness by working for it. We have not been taught that we are responsible for our own happiness, but we are!
Negative Feelings Can Be Felt
Whenever anything occurs that creates discomfort in your body, remind yourself of the following: If any negative feeling takes place in your body you can feel it. You feel depressed, you feel upset, you feel angry, you feel hurt; you feel rejected--whatever. All of these are feelings. That is why I ask you to just step back and realize that you can feel and think at the same time--they are not the same thing. That is where the difference is—a dichotomy.
Whatever we are experiencing is what we have created. However we are feeling is how we want to feel. If we feel depressed, it is because we wan to. If we feel fearful or scared, or worried or upset, it is because we want to feel that way. No one makes us feel a particular way--we choose to. Some of the greatest power we will ever gain in our lives is when the light goes on and we realize: “He's not making me mad, I am making myself mad!"
The Body Reflects the Spirit
I will share my personal .opinion on this with you--much of what I share with you is my personal opinion: We have .our bodies and our spirits. God created all things spiritually first--the spirit comes first, the body only reflects. If there is a problem in the body, it’s a reflection of a spiritual problem. Now, I believe that (just like drugs) the spiritual problem over a period .of time can turn the body into a monster of its own.
Depression can actually be a physical problem that should be treated with drugs until the spirit can get on top. I believe that.
I believe there might be place for prescribing drugs, but it is not in prescribing them and leaving someone on them as a Zombie, for the next 70 years. We see what drugs do, and they are marvelous killers--unless they are used long enough that the body cannot stand it anymore and starts to react and breaks down. Remember, pain is always a result of fear and fear is always a withholding of love. We are Gods--we were not made to withhold love. The system was designed to eventually explode when in fear and pain when love is withheld.
The body sometimes gets to the point where it cannot handle its problems and goes into a depression, so the drug therapy only allows the depression to go to a certain point and then it numbs and cuts it off (and eventually causes more depression). However, a person can work on the problem and be able to take less and less drugs. This is monitored by the heart, not by the blood stream. I know this because I have worked with dozens of clients who have totally gone off drugs, but it does not happen overnight. It takes time and must be monitored very carefully--and the users are the ones who monitor. Eventually, they know when they are down to a level where they are okay. The body is cleansed and re-created, in a sense, but there must be some help from physical things to do it.
We Cannot Put a Judgment Upon Illness
One class member commented on a brain tumor that her mother had developed, lamenting the fact that this terrible thing had happened to a person who was so angelic and full of love. We cannot put a judgment on these things--that the brain tumor was bad for her mother. We get what we want----and 90 percent of it is a subconscious choice—maybe to teach us so that we can learn a lesson. But we are the one who is putting a value on it whether it is bad or good.
There are so many illusions. Pain is an illusion, death is an illusion—it is not real. Even the body is an illusion. The definition God gave us of truth is things as they were, and as they are, and as they are to come. The mother in the account (as she was in the pre-existence) was what she was here and is today. That is truth. Her spirit as it is was true. The body she took up while she was in this life was an illusion, because it has not always existed. It does not exist now, but it will exist in the future.
I do not have to go to a mental hospital or go to a psychiatric ward and tell everybody they got what they wanted, of course not! But they have to accept. Listen carefully to this because your soul depends on this: We have got to accept that this mother was perfect, and that the brain tumor was perfect for her at that moment. It was not a curse. And what would it hurt if she knew that--under the right spirit--why would it hurt her to know?
We all have pains--days when we are sick. It does not hurt us to know that we caused it--because we know that we are perfect, that we need this sickness at this time. We may die of cancer next week. Being perfect does not protect us from cancer or from brain tumors.
Life is a Terminal Disease
We have an infectious disease and it is terminal….. it is called Life! We will die; I promise we will not live through this. We are slowly getting older and more wrinkled. This terminal disease is a reflection of our spirits--whatever level we are on. But it is good because it is teaching us lessons all the way along, whether we choose them or not. It is what we need because our spirits are perfect and God knows what he is doing.
Did We Choose Our Trials in the Pre-Existence?
What is pre-existence? Time is only measured to man, not to God--it is all one with Him. Many of our decisions about the physical trials we have in this life may have been made in the pre-existence, so whenever we are choosing a particular event we are experiencing, we are still the ones in charge. Why am I making such an issue of this? Because you and I must accept that the perfection of this realm--all the sickness, all the death, everything--is perfect where it is at. That does not mean we do not do what we can do to help alleviate it, but unless we can recognize this concept, we will never recognize our own perfection.
When we feel, as our class member did, that our parents were angels, we need to know there are no parents in this world who are anywhere near being angels! She felt she must defend that premise, but as long as she feels like she has to defend it, she is not looking at her mother as she really was. Any time an issue comes up that may make her look a little bit distorted; it is very threatening to her. This is because the parental mirror is the last struggle any of us ever make, and we have absolutely got to look at our parents and face their distortions. There are as many distortions and as much bad in them as there is good—just like there is in ourselves.
By not coming to grips with that we will stay in judgment, because every place we look that mirror will be distorted because our parental mirrors are so important. The issue is not with her mother--she is in the spirit world. The issue is with herself and the part of her mother she thinks may be lurking inside her--and it is not a true image. If it were, there would be no threat to her. She is pumping power into it, and as long as she continues to do that, she is holding up her own spiritual progression towards herself. The part of her mother she is hiding and rejecting also is within her.
Looking at Parents as They Are
Until she can turn and look at her mother as she really was and is, she will not be able to look at herself, so she will be hiding out and running away. I know this because everyone of us has to do it.
It is not degrading to our parents to look at them with truth. Truth always will set us free--as well as them, but we can never forgive our parents until we totally see them as they really are--then we can forgive and love.
Flaws Are Not Problems
We cannot forgive a distortion, or an imagination, or something that is not real. Yes, her mother was an angel….half of her--and that part she has already accepted and loved. But there is another part--there were some weaknesses and imperfections and flaws. However, there was nothing wrong with her mother--she was perfect. It is mostly subconscious, but we have to be willing to see those flaws, recognize them, and look at them. Our flaws are not wrong, .they are just flaws. They are weaknesses, and we need to look for them in our parents, because they are part of our own perfection.
Begin Daily Forgiveness
Do not judge yourself of anyone else, or any event you are experiencing. If you realize you are judging anyone; begin the practice of daily forgiveness in the quiet of your room. Bring the person you are judging into your consciousness--feel yourself forgiving him or her. Also, forgive yourself for judging the person or for judging yourself. Continue with this practice on a daily basis until you notice you have released all judgment, then feel unconditional love for the person yourself. Continue until you feel love easily just at the mention of the person's name. Be patient. Allow as long as you need--like 20 years! To be comfortable, release all judgment and feel love. Do not make a time factor--be gentle and kind to yourself as you do this.
When we can love our parents unconditionally and realize they are perfect, and accept them as such, then we are free! Their flaws are part of their perfection. We are not judging them. Psychologists teach us to beat up on our parents in our minds. That is making a value judgment on what they did, and as soon as we value-judge our parents, guess what we are doing--we are value-judging ourselves. We tend to project our own ideas of our parents-these ideas may be way off, but they are real to us. If we can forgive their weaknesses and see our parents as perfect, we can do the same with ourselves. We can only stop hurting when we forgive the person who is causing the hurt, or the projection that are causing us to hurt.
This is the second principle:
GET OUT OF JUDGMENT - of life, of events, of everything.
The third principle:
FOCUS ON FEELING AS WONDERFUL AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN
By doing this, we are emptying out judgment--but we cannot leave a vacuum, so we fill it with joy. Our pain is being caused by illusions and when we let go of the illusions, our natural state is joy! Pain is only an illusion that is caused because we get hold of illusions.
How do we know they are illusions and how do we let go? Any part of our lives that we perceive as less than perfect is an illusion. We are always pumping power into these things, and we get upset and nervous if somebody starts playing with our pet illusions. These are the things we need to look at. Ask yourself how would you like to feel, then focus on the feeling being as wonderful as possible.
Replace Illusions with Feelings
The infinite supply of energy from the universe is not available to support illusions….they require our own energy to keep them alive. This is why dealing with illusions is so tiring and so painful. However, releasing illusions from our consciousness is only part of the solution. It is important that we replace what we have released with something else we prefer--thus we must focus our attention on the quality of life we desire. In other words, the "feelings" we desire. If we desire joy, we are free to choose it, unless our illusion tells us, "No!" The unhappy circumstances do not cause our pain--that is an illusion. If we can let go of that concept, we are free to choose joy.
Quality of Life
Quality of life is really the feeling (or the setting) for the events and people that pass through our lives. If we are feeling wonderful, we do not care who we are with, where we are, or what is going on. What is more, we control how we feel all of the time. The only other feeling we ever have is joy--that is of our essence--the only real part of us. Our function is to keep reminding ourselves of the difference between what is real in our lives and what is an illusion. An important part of that function is rediscovering inner joy.
Peel Off the Illusions and Discover Joy!
Most of us have buried the joy below layers and layers of illusionary feelings. It is necessary to keep peeling them off until the joy is uncovered and allowed to fill our beings. There is no substitute for this procedure--no shortcuts. It is truly a personal experience for each of us; no one can do it for another person. All we can do is support the person who is doing it for himself. That is why unconditional love and support is so important! That is why it is so important to let each person be where he or she is at. The principles discussed in this book are intellectual justification for believing that only joy is real. This is a book that has not yet been written!
The Mind is the Problem
In the book "Understanding" it subtly hints at this. We cannot solve our problems with our minds. NO! The mind is the problem! The mind is always the problem--all of our ill feelings, all of our depression--come out of our heads; Satan is given power over the flesh. Do not try to fight fire with fire--it does not work. We must use our heads to give our hearts permission to do the healing. The head has been master so long it wants to continue to be master.
Take a 20 Minute Vacation Daily
I would suggest that you take a small vacation every day--like maybe twenty minutes--and make an appointment with yourself. Say to yourself, "I am going to figure this situation out. I know I've got to come to grips with this--it is driving me crazy! I was awake all night!"
I ran across a clever saying this week:
"YOU AREN'T WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE, BUT WHAT YOU THINK, YOU ARE."
Have you ever heard that? So practice "getting out of thinking and plan to 'feel' for 20 minutes. Go out in the weather or wherever and do it with meditation, go out with nature--just do anything that feels good. Make an appointment with your head to come back and figure this problem out in 20 minutes. You will probably find that when you come back, it has already been solved.
Change the Heart and the Head Will Change
When you go into your feelings and into feeling good you come to a higher level of thinking, because when you are in a higher level of feeling then you are automatically in a higher level of thinking. It is automatic--you cannot help it! So, change the heart and the head will change. You will start seeing things with common sense, with insight, and with understanding. The heart is the mind of the spirit, so put the spirit in charge.
The spirit cannot serve two masters. The spirit cannot be in charge as long as we let the head have control. Take more and more vacations every day for your heart and your spirit--more and more vacations to just feel and go role gathering, and then come back and make an appointment to sit down with your head. Once your head knows it can trust you, it will let you take longer periods of time.
The Head Will Relinquish Its Power
Finally your head will relinquish its power and say, "Look, you're doing this much better than I am. I didn't believe that would ever happen. All my life I've been programmed to believe that any answers would have to come with goal setting, etc., but I see your life has straightened out more than it has been in the last 20 years! Obviously, there's something I don't know, but I'm willing to trust."
You will find yourself living in your heart from moment to moment, and letting the universe take care of the details. But, remember, you did not get into this thing overnight--it will take time!
Trials and Tribulations Were Planned
Everything in the physical and spiritual world is perfect. Illusion comes when we do not perceive it as such. And, yes, God did plan that there would be diseases, problems, death, and whatever. Yes, we did plan that--we, the Gods in Council, did decide this is the best way. Then we said, "Yes, but we have a situation here. We have all of these illusions running all these lives, and all this misery. They are illusions, but they are still opposites from happiness and joy. How is this going to work?"
And one amongst us stepped forward and said, "I will go (and being perfect in being a God and having a part in all things and through all things--part of all creation), I will live the ultimate illusion, descend below all things, and pay the price to make it all perfect. So sickness and death and pain must prevail, otherwise every tear could not be wiped away. And we will use Satan, our common enemy to dissuade them into thinking it is not perfect and convincing them that "this is bad" and "this is good." But when they come back to the Atonement and partake of it totally and realize that He has perfected it all, then they will be “free”.
Satan's only power is that we believe what he says. He has absolutely no power beyond that--only if we buy into his plan, When you go to the temple, watch the ceremony--notice where (what part of the ceremony) Satan is cast out.
Perfect Love Casteth Out All Fear
We have got to see everything as being perfect before we can live without fear in this world. Perfect love casteth out all fear. We must see deaths and diseases and all that as part of perfection. If we do not, we will fear it and if we fear, we will not have perfect love. It is the most freeing thing in the world to realize that we are safe--that this is God's footstool, that we are in the hollow or His hand. We cannot do that unless this perfection is perfect--unless this creation is perfect. If it is an imperfect perfection, we are always in danger.